You've heard the phrase "kids say the darndest things". Well, below are some of my favorite quotes from students. These quotes made me laugh aloud, made me shake my head in disbelief, or made my heart smile.
When I introduced the novel The Adventures of Tom Sawyer:
"Mark Twain...is he that country singer?" S.A. 8th grader
One of our first writing assignments is about culture. As I always tell my students, they come to my classroom with different experiences that frame and shape their thoughts about the way they look at literary pieces. When discussing culture, one student said:
"I am a W.A.S.P. -- White Anglo-Sexual Protestant." A.B. 8th grader
I have hallway duty every morning, and I greet students as they come into the building. One student was telling me about why he was grounded. Although I never asked how any of this came up, he looked at me and, as serious as could be, said:
"Mr. Ludwig, don't you think people should believe you when you say you're going to hit them in the face with a piece of pizza?" D.M. 7th grader
For some reason, Jr. High students have difficulties guessing teachers' ages. When one asked how old I was, I told her I was well into my 50s (which wasn't true at all). She said:
"Wow, you have to be using the same face creams my mom does." S.A. 8th grade (same student who commented about Mark Twain)
Every school year, my 8th graders read Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird. Instead of having tests or quizzes, we often spend our class time analyzing and discussing themes, characters, motifs, etc. found in the novel. Before collecting students' final exam essays, one student had a question about Calpurnia's role in the novel. When I explained that Blacks had few rights in the 1930s, especially in Alabama, I heard one boy in the back of the room gasp and, as serious as can be, exclaim:
"What? You've gotta be kidding me! Calpurnia was black????" M.A. 8th grader
When discussing the meaning behind Walt Whitman's poem "Oh Captain, My Captain", one student sighed and said:
"Why the heck was Lincoln on that boat? All along I thought he was shot in a theatre, and now you're telling me he died on a boat? They've been lying to us since first grade." M.A. 8th grader (same student who didn't know Calpurnia was black)
At the end of the year, one student approached me and said:
"You know, Mr. Ludwig. You're not like other teachers...we actually like you." B.S. 8th grader
One student had been struggling with a specific concept in class, and he threw up his arms in frustration and said:
"I just don't get this. But, if you're going to the cafeteria, bring me back some cookies. I know that would help." J.D. 7th grader
While asking students whether they liked or disliked English at the beginning of the year, one girl raised her hand and said, in a voice worse than a two-year-old's whine:
"Oh, I just hate English. There are just too many commas." H.R. 7th grader
During National Poetry Month, I asked students to share with the class their feelings on poetry. One boy said:
"You know, poetry isn't bad if you're stuck in a coma and can't move or anything." J.Y. 7th grader
When I allowed one student to do something and would not allow another one to do something:
Girl: "Mr. Ludwig, why are you so sexist?" A.S. 7th grader
Boy: "Nah, he's not sexist. He hates us all the same." D.S. 7th grader
During the last few weeks of school, even students can sense that teachers are getting ready to blow their tops.
"Mr. Ludwig, don't you wish they would build cages in the classrooms so you could throw us in there when you've had enough?" C.G. 7th grader
Out of nowhere, one of my 7th grade students stood up, sniffed his armpits, and said:
"This could be a new dance: Smell the Pits." I.H. 7th grader
Everyone knows that students and teachers sometimes spend way too much time together. Towards the end of the year, one of my boys walked into my room, approached me, and said:
"Hey, Dad! Oh...er...I mean Mr. Ludwig. Oh my gosh! I'm so embarrassed!" S.B. 8th grader
Students sometimes think teachers never had to go to college or aren't too smart:
"Wow! You went to Penn State? Are you really that smart?" J.D. 7th grader
Many students don't see teachers as adults who actually function as all other humans function. Two students surprised me one day when they realized I was human.
(As I walked out of the restroom) "Wow, I didn't know teachers went to the bathroom, too!" M.S. 7th grader
(As I was walking through a store on the weekend) "You actually own a pair of jeans?" R.W. 7th grader
As we were finishing the novel To Kill a Mockingbird, one student turned in her book and said to me with utter disgust:
"I still think it's a waste of time that we never learned how to actually kill that mockingbird." M.C. 8th grader
One student commented on his father's method of raising successful children:
"My dad always says 'An unhappy child is a healthy child'." Z.M. 7th grader
Because I was going to be out quite often for some medically-necessary tests, I told my students what was going on and why I was being tested.
A.H.: "How'd your autopsy go?"
Me: "I'd have to be dead first. I think you mean biopsy."
A.H.: "Oh, yeah. That wouldn't be good. Nevermind."
When my students found out I had cancer, their "words of wisdom" on the inside of my get-well cards were priceless:
"Stay strong, my little soldier. Stay strong." J.G. 7th grader
"Cancer sucks. What else can I say?" J.S. 7th grader
"Kick that cancer's a...okay, butt! Show it who's boss!" A.M. 7th grader
"Please come back. The substitute is awful." C.B. 8th grader
"Since you're going to be out for a bit, do you mind if I sit in your chair behind your desk?" J.D. 8th grader
Although I wasn't in the classroom to hear this one, a co-teacher told me all about students' conversations when I was out for cancer treatment. As they were discussing the type of cancer I had and the type of treatment I was receiving, one boy said with disgust:
"Oh no! Does this mean he's going to get fat like my grandma?" J.G. 7th grader
After my surgery to remove cancerous tumors from my throat, I returned to school with a five-inch incision right below my Adam's Apple. Students at this age are curious, and one boy asked if he could touch the scar.
"Oh my God! It feels like a sausage link!" P.S. 7th grader
Students are always interested in finding out personal information about teachers. When they ask me what my first name is, I usually tell them it's "Mister".
"Robert? Your name is Robert? That's just so....plain!" A.M. 7th grader
I've been shaving my head for many years now, and students have never seen me with hair on my head. When a new 7th grade student came into class, she asked why I was bald at such a young age.
7th Grade Student: "You're too young. Why are you bald?"
8th Grade Student: "You konw he had cancer. That's why he's bald."
Me: "Actually, I shave my head about three times a week. My cancer treatment didn't cause me to be bald."
8th Grade Student: "Oh, really? I guess it's okay to pick on him then."
More than five years ago, I quit the nasty habit of smoking. Anyone who's given up that habit knows how easily your weight can start creeping up on you.
8th Grade Student: "Woah! Either you're getting taller or you're getting skinnier! And if you're like my grandpa, I know you're not
getting taller! Good job!"
I like to give students an opportunity to read many different genres of literature, and we spent time in a literature circle reading Gary Paulson's My Life in Dog Years. One girl had had enough of Paulson's dog either dying or running away.
"You know, if I were his mom, I'd just start buying him goldfish. Those can't run away, and when they're dead you can just flush
them." K.D. 7th grader
